Nugget Updates- End of 1st Trimester!

I stopped writing posts for a little while during the first trimester, so I’ll try to get caught up now with everything!

I’m officially 14 weeks pregnant today, so we’re entering the second trimester. That’s so crazy! I can’t believe we’re here already.

Oh, and if you haven’t figured out, this baby’s nickname is Nugget :-). For no reason other than he/she feels like a Nugget to me!

Cravings:

• Always very weird things at random times! I craved sweets with Kara (most notably Froot Loops cereal all throughout my pregnancy), but this time around, it’s been all over the place. Some days all I wanted to eat were raw veggies, other days I needed salty snacks like potato chips. When we were in Dallas and I was still hiding my pregnancy, the only thing I could stomach one night was a smoothie from Sonic. One night at home Rob mentioned jelly beans, and I literally changed out of my pajamas to go to Walgreens to buy jelly beans because I needed them that minute. Garlic mashed potatoes were the story another night- Rob made them and that’s all I wanted to eat for 24 hours. The power of suggestion has a strong influence on my cravings!!

 

Symptoms:

• exhaustion, but also insomnia (not fair)
• nausea between weeks 6-9 mostly, always from about 4-7pm
• Sore breasts started around 11 weeks
• No weight gain yet, and only a little bit of bloat. I’m still in my regular clothes!

Feelings: 

• Shock at a positive test!
• Complete anxiety from pregnancy test to 6 weeks when we heard the heartbeat
• Excitement that I get to be pregnant with my SIL
• Joy that Kara will have a little brother or sister so close in age to her
• Worry about money (two in diapers!)
• Amazed everyday that I’m growing a baby!
• I also really loved keeping the secret this time around. There were days I doubted I could, but it was so fun when Rob and I were the only ones that knew! Thinking back to my cousin’s wedding in Dallas, Kara’s birthday party, and other family events knowing we had a wonderful secret is really sweet.

 

What I’m Most Looking Forward To About Pregnancy and Having a New Baby:

• Seeing Kara meet the baby for the first time. She’s SO sweet with her baby cousin who is 10 months younger than she is, and is already very caring, so I can just imagine how she’ll be with a new sibling
• Breastfeeding. Is that weird? I miss it!
• Taking side by side bump photos with my SIL
• Torturing our families again by not finding out the sex of the baby! 🙂
• Being pregnant in the summer- cute tank tops, please! (Remind me in August when I’m 38 weeks pregnant that I was excited about this, haha).
• Giving birth again and meeting this amazing tiny human that’s inside me!
• Feeling baby move for the first time
• Having a growing bump again
• Christmas 2018! It’s going to be so special.

 

Who We Told When:

• My family- February 17 at my mom’s birthday dinner. I was 10 weeks at the time and probably would have waited a bit longer if we had another family gathering on the calendar. But I knew if I didn’t tell them then, it would be weeks before everyone was together again, and I was worried about starting to show before the next family event.
• Rob’s family- Most were told on February 18 at his dad’s birthday dinner. We texted those that day who couldn’t be there.
• Friends- between 10w and whenever we see them. We’re pretty casual about it!
• My work- today! (eek!)
• Facebook- probably not for a few more weeks/months. My tentative plan right now is to post a family photo from our photo session in June and with a visible bump at that time, and that will serve as our low-key announcement. I’m still very weird about pregnancy announcements from our infertility days pre-Kara! I do want to celebrate this baby, but not at the cost of ruining someone else’s day who may be struggling.

 

What We’ve Done to Prepare for Baby:

• discussed moving Kara into a big girl room in my office so the nursery can be used for baby and started cleaning the basement and my office to make room
• VERY BRIEFLY started talking names. No list or anything yet, just possibilities thrown out every couple weeks
• Started budgeting a bit more to plan for my maternity leave
• Sorted through all Kara’s old clothes so they’re organized by size for Nugget (and my SIL’s little one too)
• Weaned Kara off bottles! Next up: pacifier

 

Overall, first trimester was marked with an overwhelming feeling of being blessed that there’s a tiny heart beating inside me that grows bigger and stronger everyday!

-DD

Little Dron 2: Update #1- Betas

(Post written January 8-January 14)

Monday, January 8

• Positive pregnancy test 13DPO @6:55am
• Appointment with Dr. S @12:30pm
• Blood test @1pm
• Furious googling, sweating, and general unable-to-work-ness @all day

Thoughts: WTF? How did this happen? Surely we’ll lose this baby just as quickly as I’ve gotten attached. What’s my due date? I didn’t even look it up this cycle in anticipation of planning announcements. Oh my goodness- I’ll actually get my semi-summer baby! Yay for outdoor birthday parties! This baby might even get his/her very own birthday… a rare occurrence in my family.

Tuesday, January 9

• More googling and worrying, but mostly working @9am
• Nurse Agnes called with my blood test results @1pm
  • Thyroid- 1.22
  • Progesterone- 19.2
  • HCG- 247
• Googling beta levels and twins like it’s my new job @1:02
• Rob and I discussing all the challenges twins would bring @5:30pm

Thoughts: Allelujah- my thyroid number is awesome! Thank goodness my progesterone is good. And holy crap that HCG. YAY and also, OH DEAR GOD. My HCG with Kara was only 81 at the first draw at 14DPO. This number is three times that and was taken on 13DPO! Does this mean twins? Let me check beta base. Oh boy. This 247 number is very comfortably in the twin zone according to beta base. Text Rob. Rob’s response? “oh dear god”. How would having twins change our plan for our family? Yikes. There’s a lot of financial worries with twins. Worrying won’t help, and we won’t know for sure until an ultrasound. Stop worrying. Start googling adorable pictures of twin newborns.

Wednesday, January 10

• Blood draw for second beta @9:45am
• Work meeting (thank goodness for some normalcy) @10:30
• Agnes called again with blood test results @1:30pm
  • Progesterone- 17.8
  • HCG- 475

Thoughts: This progesterone number is not concerning to Agnes, but it’s going down, and it’s going down similarly to what I experienced with Kara. I’m going to wait until the Friday blood test to feel ok about this. According to Agnes, the HCG is “rising beautifully”. It’s not a crazy high number, and doubling time is right at 48 hours, so I’m no longer convinced it’s twins. Text Rob. He’s relieved, but slightly disappointed that he can’t use his announcement line that he’s been working on all day– “We got lucky with Kara, so we decided to DOUBLE down!” I feel slightly disappointed, but then realize all the wonderful reasons a singleton pregnancy and newborn is so much easier than twins and am immediately relieved.

Friday, January 12

• Blood draw for third beta @9:30am
• Finished work for that day (ish) @12:30 and came home
• Sat by the phone waiting for Agnes to call
• Blood test results:
  • Progesterone- 14.5
  • HCG- 933

Thoughts: HCG is still doubling at an appropriate rate, so that’s good news! According to Agnes, the progesterone is not at a concerning level for someone who did an unmedicated cycle, but because it’s trending downward and my previous pregnancy it kept dropping, I will start progesterone supplements again. As annoying as it is to deal with vaginal suppositories and leaking goop for the next 6 weeks, I’m thrilled that the office is taking this progesterone drop seriously and suggesting treatment for it. I happen to have 2 boxes of Endometrin in my closet (oh wait, not everyone has progesterone suppositories at the ready? Just me?), and Agnes said that I should immediately start taking them twice a day. It feels good to be doing SOMETHING to keep this pregnancy going and progressing. I feel really out of control in this process. I should be thrilled to get pregnant on an unmedicated cycle- my body actually works! But I can’t help thinking that the likelihood of something going wrong is so high. I keep going back and forth, alternating between “This is our baby. This baby wants to be here; God sent this baby to us; I will be dressing two little ones in costumes come this Halloween…” and furiously googling things like “blighted ovum”, “miscarriage rates after HCG doubles”, and “risk of miscarriage”. I don’t know why, but I’m really struggling with the anxiety of this pregnancy. I felt like since Kara was conceived in a very organized, calculated way, it was almost more “guaranteed”?? Whereas this baby was simply conceived through love, and that seems way more risky. Thank goodness my first therapy appointment is Monday, January 15.

Agnes also had me schedule two ultrasounds before they release me to the midwives. My first is Tuesday, January 16 (I should be 5 weeks), and the next should be Monday, January 29 at 6w6d (I’m going to really really try to get this one moved up a couple days. Two weeks is a long time to wait to see a heartbeat when your anxiety is as high as mine is.) My first ultrasound at the midwife clinic is scheduled for Wednesday, February 7 (8w1d).

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that this little nugget is sticking around, growing strong for a long, long time!!

-DD

How did this even happen?

Let me take a step back and talk for a minute about what happened since I got my first period back.
This post is going to be a bit all over the place since my thoughts around this are not easy to articulate!

November 8, 2017- my very first postpartum cycle began. (At this point I was writing blogs, but not posting them yet. I had already decided to delay publishing them for about 4 weeks.) I had fully weaned Kara for 4 days at this point, and had mostly anticipated my period coming because I had started charting again. I was determined to be ALL IN this cycle to try to get pregnant. After all, I really wanted a summer baby, and the window for that was quickly closing! Plus, I wanted to take advantage of the “post-baby fertility” spike I’d heard so much about! So I took OPKs, I used the OvaCue fertility monitor that my friend let me borrow when we were trying to get pregnant the first time, and I scheduled sex like it was my job. Poor Rob was not a fan of the mandatory love-making, but I thought it’d surely be worth it if we got pregnant! You already know, we did not.

December 8, 2017- Second postpartum period showed up. I was pretty bummed. But at the same time, I knew this was our testing cycle, so I was very optimistic. I actually decided shortly before my fertile week that we wouldn’t even “try” this cycle. I didn’t need the stress again. And I knew that with treatment starting again soon, we were that much closer to a baby anyway. Not “trying” amounts to basically only having sex when we wanted to, rather than when we knew we had to. (We obviously weren’t preventing pregnancy at this point though.) There are a lot of suggestions on the online “trying to conceive” forums about what to do to conceive- we did all of those in November and zero of them in December. I had legitimately felt like we had a slim chance if any to get pregnant this cycle (remember this post?), and I was completely ok with it. After all, less than 2 years earlier we’d been told that our chances of making a baby on our own were less than 3%, and within a few weeks we’d be on our way to scientifically making a baby again anyway.

So for me, after struggling for over a year to get pregnant doing everything right and using every opportunity to the fullest, the biggest question remains: How did this happen when we weren’t even really trying to make this happen?

 

It definitely seems unfair. Lots of people (including me!) try so much harder for a baby and don’t get one. (Obviously we did desperately want this baby- I was working with the RE after all, and we did happen to time things right even though we weren’t focused on that. ) Partially it’s unfair because I can’t seem to get over how the WORST possible advice for a person struggling with infertility is “just relax”, and then somehow that’s what worked for us this time.

It’s just annoying that the “just relax”ing approach worked because you can’t organically just “relax” when you want something so badly! It also makes me wonder if we would have gotten pregnant with #1 a lot sooner if I had “just relaxed”. But that doesn’t help me feel any better, so I’ve stopped exploring that option.

 

I guess it all comes back down to my 2018 word- Trust. That and my firm belief that the baby we’re meant to have will come to us. Kara did. We had to wait a long time for her, but it’s completely clear now she was meant for us. The story of how this baby came to us is different. But it’s beautiful and I have no doubt that he/she is meant for us as well. God’s timing is mysterious, but perfect.

-DD

The Timeline

As you’ve no doubt figured out by now, I wasn’t publishing posts as I wrote them. I wanted to be able to surprise the people important to us with a pregnancy announcement when it was time. I did NOT, however, expect to be surprised by a pregnancy myself, but that was a happy accident in delaying these posts. So here’s a recap of when things went down…

 

December 8- second postpartum period, and the start of our testing cycle.
December 11- Danyelle’s baseline bloodwork and ultrasound
December 13- Rob’s SA
December 18- Danyelle’s SIS
December 27- Pap smear with new midwife practice

January 5-6- Wisconsin Dells trip with my in-laws (the family trip I was actually referring to in my blog about waiting one more week for the consult appointment. Conveniently I decided to post that one just a few days before our trip to Dallas with my family.)

January 8- our scheduled consult with Dr. S. Also the day I expected my period but took the pregnancy test and it turned out to be positive!

January 15- first counseling session. In addition to the things I blogged about, I also talked with the therapist about my extremely intense anxiety about losing the baby. In the 2+ weeks we waited to see the heartbeat, it took a conscious effort every day to try to have a positive attitude about this pregnancy.

January 16- first ultrasound- still with the fertility clinic. Nugget was measuring ahead at 5weeks 2 days! And the ultrasound confirmed that there was only one baby. I went alone because I felt bad asking Rob to take off more work right after winter break.

January 29- Second ultrasound and graduation from the fertility clinic! Rob came with me to this one because I was terrified we wouldn’t see a heartbeat. But Nugget’s heart was pounding away! Upon seeing it, I actually said “Oh thank God”, and just sighed. Still measuring a couple days ahead (6 weeks 6 days), which was very reassuring.

February 7- First appointment with the midwife clinic. I actually had an ultrasound with the OB on staff, and he was great. It was just a quick ultrasound, but enough for me to actually hear Nugget’s heart beating! 180bpm, which Dr. D said was very healthy and normal. He/She looked like a little Teddy Graham, which is my absolute favorite early stage! I breathed a few sighs of relief after this appointment and have been trying to really wrap my head around the fact that this Nugget may be our take-home baby in September! Official due date is September 14. (That’s a bit ahead of where I’m measuring and where I am according to ovulation, but because it’s within a week, they won’t change it.) Nugget is 8 weeks, 5 days!

March 7- Next midwife appointment!

Curveball

Well, just when I think I had everything figured out, the universe has a funny way of throwing a MASSIVE curveball. (Full disclosure, this post was written January 8-9.)

 

Monday morning, January 8, started like almost every other morning. Rob got up and went to work around 6:15; I lay in the dark for another 15 minutes before my alarm went off and I turned on the lights. The first thing I do is check my thermometer and enter my temperature for the day (I take my temp every morning at 5am to create those lovely charts I’ve shown before). I notice something strange. My temperature was still high, almost exactly what it’s been the past 2 days. I expected my period today, and with a period comes a drop in body temperature.

Since today was our consult with Dr. S, I debated the pros and cons of taking a pregnancy test. I decided that I very much expected it to be negative since (TMI) we didn’t have a ton of sex while I was fertile this cycle. Since we were going to be moving forward with treatment once today’s appointment was over, I figured I would quickly be able to overcome any twinges of disappointment.

I dug out a super cheap pregnancy test from my stash. I peed in a cup (the least messy way to take a test) and dipped it in. I set a timer for 5 minutes and went about getting dressed and ready to grab Kara.

5 minutes later…

Ummmm, WHAT?!?!?!

“There’s a second line on that test. What?” Cue all the sweating and shaking.

Obviously this was a mistake, so I took out a fancier (and more expensive) test, and dipped it in the same pee that I sat on the counter (yeah, I’m gross). I was visibly shaking, and this time only had to wait three minutes, so I tried to occupy myself with prepping Kara’s morning milk while my timer counted down the SLOWEST IT POSSIBLY COULD. But then the timer went off and I was too scared to look. But I did.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t even feel happy or excited at first. My immediate reaction was worry. Worried that we didn’t work hard enough for this baby, and thus it would probably be taken away from us somehow. (That’s stupid, right? Infertility MESSES YOU UP, people.)

I seriously didn’t believe it. I had to text two of my infertility warrior friends to tell them, ask them if I was crazy, share in my disbelief. They knew we had our RE appointment that day and would therefore know why I was so shocked.

When I had finally come to terms with the fact that this pregnancy test, which was not taken in the wake of fertility treatments, was actually positive, I called my husband. DEFINITELY not the sweet, adorable, Pinterest-worthy way I would have liked to tell him Kara was going to be a big sister. The conversation went something like this:

D- “Hey! (super casually) Are you busy or should I call back?
R- “Oh my gosh, what’s wrong?” (He always assumes we’re dead or dying if I call and he’s not expecting it.)
D- “Nothing! Just want to see if you’re able to talk for a few minutes.”
R- “I mean, I’m in my office. What’s up?”
D- “Sooooooo, I’m pregnant?” (Smooth, Danyelle. Real smooth.)
R- “What?”
D- “I just took a test because my period was due and it says that I’m pregnant?” (Yes, still the question mark.)
R- “Well, I guess don’t drink alcohol or smoke any cigarettes!” I could hear a smile in Rob’s voice with this one. Also, this is funny because I have never had a cigarette in my life, and haven’t had a drop of alcohol since August.
D- “Ha Ha”
R- “So can we cancel the appointment today?”

And so on. I went on to explain that we would absolutely be keeping the appointment for a few reasons.
1.) We’ll be at a doctor’s office. They can do my bloodwork and test my HCG levels and progesterone, which I’m dying to know. Plus, my progesterone was a concern early on with Kara, and I planned to get that tested no matter what to make sure I’m able to sustain a pregnancy.
2.) If something were to go wrong with this pregnancy, we’ll need to know our plan anyway. We’d start up with IUI again if I miscarried, so we need the information about what to do.
3.) I still needed to do my follow-up blood test for my thyroid.

 

You already know what happened at the appointment. We did indeed get the results and learn our plan. We signed consent forms and all that jazz should we need them. And I did get my blood test, both for my thyroid, and also my HCG. It was a funny appointment. Basically as soon as we sat down, I said something to the effect of “I’m going to guess that all those results came back normal… because I’m pregnant.” And then Dr. S gave me a high five, haha. We didn’t discuss the numbers of everything in detail, but we did talk about the plan and do everything we needed to in order to start IUI at any point in the future.

My hope beyond hope is that we won’t ever need to see Dr. S again. I mean that in the nicest way. We’d like two kids, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed that this is our baby, our Little Dron #2. Stay sticky and snuggly in there, tiny one!

More updates to come, since I’m sure you have questions (as do I!).

-DD

Quick Thyroid Update

I got the results of my TSH– it’s at 1.22!! That’s a great number! Thank you thyroid medication and Dr. S for putting me on it!

-DD

Consult for Round 2

Today was our consult with Dr. S!!!

It’s so funny how I can look forward to a doctor’s appointment so much. I was anxious to see how all of our numbers looked this time. I almost couldn’t sleep because I was so excited.

Dr. S didn’t print them all out for me (booooooo), so I have to go off memory. But everything looked similar to two years ago!

• Antral Follicle count (how many follicles are growing on each ovary at the start of a cycle): 20 on one side, 25 on the other (SUPER high, but not worrisome)
• AMH- 19.something (still tons of eggs in the reserves)
• FSH- 4.something (normal)
• SIS showed nothing concerning! Uterus and tubes look healthy.
• Prolactin was normal (can’t remember the number)- this is the one I was most concerned about because it’s related to breastfeeding
• Estradiol normal
• Rob’s SA- 77 million sperm, 67% motility, 19% normal morphology. No concerns here and ok numbers to work with (it was 66 million for the IUI when we conceived Kara).

As I had hoped, Dr. S said our protocol is identical to what worked last time, so I’m thrilled. It’s comfortable, it’s familiar, and it worked once so it’s bound to work again! I’ll take 50mg of Clomid on cycle days 3-7 (or 4-8), then we’ll do an ultrasound on CD12 to check for follicle development. Trigger shot will be scheduled and then IUI the next morning. YAY!!

We signed our consents for treatment, and then I went back to get a blood draw while Rob left. (Nothing more for him to do at that point.) They took my blood again at this appointment to check my thyroid level. It needs to be going down as high TSH numbers are associated with increased risk of miscarriage and poor fetal development. They’ll let me know asap that my numbers look good enough to move forward!

I’m so excited!!

I’ll update with progress as I feel comfortable!

-DD

One More Week

Infertility is such a hurry-up-and-wait game. I’m counting down the days until we see Dr. S again. I think I’m as excited to get the results of all of our tests as I am to find out if we get to start back with IUI this next cycle. (Is it weird to desperately want to know my AMH, FSH, AFC, etc etc again?)

The timing should work out perfectly- I should be getting my period the day we see Dr. S, thereby putting me in a great position to start things up if we get the green light. I can’t say enough how ready I am to be pregnant again and have another baby. It seems to us like we’ve been waiting FOREVER again, even though based on this blog it seems like we’ve only been at this for 2 months. In reality, we’ve been talking about and hoping for a baby since July 1, and it’s just now that things are really starting to come together. The wait is DEFINITELY not as long as last time, so I’m very grateful for that.

This next week is actually going to fly by, and I’m so excited. We’re going out of town with family so I’ll have a few days where I won’t be focused on the upcoming appointment.

I’m trying to prepare myself for the possibility that we won’t be able to move forward right away, but it’s not going well. I keep thinking if there was bad news, they would have told us already like with my thyroid, so things must look ok! I’m really hoping I have a good update to post after our appointment next week.

In the meantime, we’ll enjoy some family time!

-DD

 

Progress and Self-Diagnosis?

This past week I crossed the last item off our checklist. I had my physical, pap smear, and breast exam all redone so that we can get the green light to start next cycle! Of course, we still have to get all the results from our testing (no word yet from Dr. S or the office), but I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that next cycle will be a go.

Also this week I ovulated, which means only 2 weeks until my period comes. This aligns BEAUTIFULLY with our consult with Dr. S, so I’m REALLY REALLY hoping we can just start right away once my period comes next!

And while I’m cheering the fact that my chart shows I ovulated, you should also notice a few things.

The big temperature spike indicates that I ovulated on cycle day 19.

1.) I ovulated on cycle day 19 this cycle… which is fantastic!! Historically, it’s super unusual for me to ovulate this early, so I hope this means my body is feeling healthy. I’m pretty sure that this is because I’ve not been running in FOREVER. So while it’s not great for my mental health, it seems to be working for my physical health.

2.) You can see that I had 3 days in a row of positive ovulation tests (OPKs). I’m pretty sure this is not a good sign. It’s said that women should ovulate 12-38 hours after a positive, so to have 72+ hours of positive is probably not good. I suspect I might have LUFS- luteinized unruptured follicle syndrome. Basically, my body shows all the signs of ovulation, but never actually releases a good egg. It’s also called “trapped egg syndrome”. If this is the case, then I’m willing to bet the reason we were able to conceive Kara during our IUI cycle is because of the trigger shot, which forced my ovary to release the egg.

3.) You can see that I got a “Peak” fertility rating on cycle day 15 (indicated by the P). Also probably not great that I didn’t ovulate until 4 days after the peak reading.

 

I’m probably going to bring up these concerns with Dr. S in our meeting in hopes that we can make sure our protocol includes the trigger shot again.

Here’s hoping the next two weeks fly by and we get good news from Dr. S!!

-DD

Hypothyroid

I’ve had several days now to think about this whole “underactive thyroid” situation and a few things keep coming to my mind.

1. I hate taking medicine. Typically, the only time I take any kind of medicine is when I have a headache or period cramps, otherwise I tend to just tough it out. I certainly tried to avoid all medications during my pregnancy last time. So to be told that I essentially must take this medication for the foreseeable future including during pregnancy just makes me nervous. How much research has been done on the safety of this medication during pregnancy? I just don’t like it.
2. Increased risk of miscarriage. Those words scare the bejeezus out of me. Having had several friends who have experienced pregnancy loss at varying stages, I just don’t know how I’d survive that. My friends are so strong- if I were in that position, could I be as strong?
3. Stupid question, but How? How did I have perfectly acceptable thyroid levels just a couple months ago and now when we’re actively trying to have another baby do they have to be all wacky and bad? It’s frustrating, and makes me wonder if we should just skip trying to get pregnant this cycle on our own because of all the risks.

I’m taking my meds every morning, and my prenatals and vitamin D every night, so I’m doing everything I can to give Little Dron #2 the best shot. I guess that’s all I can do!

-DD